I feel such emotion reading the last words of this story. I can feel her pain so much, the sense of hopelessness. I feel the same thing when I see my sister so ill, this dark shadow creeping across the world stealing people’s live’s away and leaving them in suffering, agonised filled darkness.
Today is Chris’s story. I met him very recently via a M.E magazine ‘friendship page’ And now it feels as though we’ve always been friends. With darkness comes light.
His door is open to show how he is starting to win against the M.E and re enter the world behind the door. He also contributed this adorable little elephant.
I met Kat while drawing occasional artwork for the M.E magazine she was in charge of and we quickly became close friends. One thing M.E and Lyme does is take away your hobbies and passions, but we fight back and find alternative ways to still achieve those ambitions. I’m lucky to have so many wonderful people fighting this condition and we unite to create a Spoonie army.
Today whilst I feel little better, I spent about a minute trying to decide how ‘my’ was spelled. I even was preparing a text to ask Mum!
The initial project started featuring front doors but I soon realised that everybody with these conditions mostly spent their time housebound or, heartbreakingly bedbound and their bedroom doors were the doors which were closed on them.
I felt Kat’s story was very moving, it’s that bit at the end that is really a punch in the stomach, something needs to be done in the medical community but we are like ghosts, they don’t see us, refuse to believe in us while we fade from reality.
The first doors have arrived and something unexpected has arisen out of it, I’ve met some lovely new people, we’ve shared our own experiences and stories and reinforced the kindness and love of the spoonie (people with chronic illness) community. We are all in this together.
So far I have doors from everyone from the USA, the Uk, even the Netherlands. Regrettably I wasn’t able to complete the project for M.E awareness week as I just wasn’t strong enough, everytime I worked I ended up with a headache and felt too exhausted to do anything all day. This isn’t a failure, if anything it is a positive reinforcing the project and my own personal experience and showing how the illness changes everything.
Sophies Story – in the form of a poem she wrote
I had a great response from my search for M.E and Lyme suffers doors.
To mark M.E awareness week and Lyme awareness month here is the first door. I asked the suffers to send me a photo of their door showing the life that is behind and is so often ignored. The door is symbolic in many ways and one such way that came out of the project was how many people especially in the medical field have shut their door on us. The door is slammed in our faces and we are told it is all in their heads. Dismissed, just like that to live a life of pain and suffering. The injustice is almost as painful as the excruciating pain our bodies are wracked with. For the moment I am featuring the two together but it shall be presented in a photobook format.
This is Greta’s story
If you are a Lyme or CFS M.E sufferer, please comment below if you would like to take part. All I need is a photo of your door showing the top and bottom and some words on your story, what you want people to know about the condition or even a poem.
Happy 1st of the Month everyone. This is the start of Lyme awareness month and also M.E awareness week. I’ve written up a post regarding the Assignment and have posted it on several Facebook groups dedicated to both illnesses. I’ve had a lot of engagement with projects on these pages before so I’m positive that I will get enough people to take part.
Reading the module I’ve decided to submit the project as a photobook. Portrait to reinforce the door imagery and the idea is that as you turn the page with the door on, you open the door to a pure black page. This black page represents the darkness that those are in with this condition, both figuratively and literally as many suffer from light sensitivity. When I say light sensitivity I mean daylight burns the eyes. My sister can’t even have a desk lamp on. Even a salt lamp causes pain. What follows is many people living their lives in darkness. So the black page reinforces this. Then on the black page is white handwriting, shining out of the darkness, that is the symbol of hope that one day this condition will be gone. It is also a cry for help. M.E and Lyme suffers, especially those severely affected, struggle with writing. Holding a pen causes such intense pain. For those who can submit a small piece of handwriting I will replicate it (I once spent a happy summer reading a book on handwriting and copying different styles for fun,, so feel I can acheive this)
I have written to my tutor to inform him about this, I hope that he will have no qualms about a collaborative essay, but as I have done all the groundwork I’m sure it will be fine.
Returning to the reverse out writing I’ve always liked imagery about light in the darkness
“Stars can’t shine without darkness”
“Hope is being able to see the light despite the darkness”
“A light shines brightest in the darkness”
The question is what sort of text should fill the black page. Perhaps the sufferer should choose whether to submit a small poem, a day in their life, a statement or their story. I will write on behalf of my sister her story. Perhaps I will offer the book as an ebook somehow and a portion of their sales will go to research for these terrible illnesses.
Already I feel that the project has scope to be powerful and emotive. I’m aware I must contextualise. Sometimes though I find it hard, ideas flitter out of the darkest places in my mind, unexpected, all at once thrilling and inspiring. The idea is created from my imagination and initiative, almost like waking up from a dream with snatches of ideas. My tutor asks which photographer inspired you to do this and though the answer is, my mind was the inspiration, I know that this isn’t acceptable in a degree. Which is a shame because I feel that the idea of doing a degree in the creative arts is generating your own ideas from yourself, telling your own story and not neccessarily using someone elses idea. At least for me that is how I’ve always worked and I sometimes work backwards finding photographers and artists after developing my idea. Do you know anyone who does this?
After a six-week relapse of being unable to do anything except watch TV and rest, I feel a little better and am going to tentatively try to return to my studies once again. Thank you for the kind messages and support I really appreciate it. How is everyone getting on with their studies, please comment your latest work below so I can go and look.
I feel like my day is full of blue skies once more instead of really thick fog.
At the start of my relapse, I contacted the OCA to let them know I wasn’t well and they were very kind and understanding. It also turned out I only had until November to finish this module, talk about a wake-up call! I didn’t realise I had run out of time. Then I have several more years to complete the next Level. So needless to say I need to get a move on.
My Plan was to continue from where I was up to but I don’t yet have the energy to read Deborah Brights essay, let alone write my own. So to conserve energy but still make progress I am going to jump ahead to the next unit where I create my own brief for an assignment.
I’m going to go ahead with my new idea of “lives behind closed doors’ and try to tie it in with M.E awareness week which is coming up. I feel that the assignment will be stronger as it shows I have thought of the audience and perhaps it will raise some awareness. This assignment is different in that it is a collaboration, while I email a brief to everyone who takes part they will essentially take the photo and I will present them together showing the lives we do not know about behind closed doors. The fact that it is collaborative will save me energy enabling me to continue with the course.
At this stage,. I am wondering a few things
Should I make this assignment solely for CFS M.E/Lyme suffers to tie in with M.E awareness week. Or should it be open to all invisible illnesses?
Is it considered my assignment if I have only taken one of the photos? If I didn’t have M.E/Lyme I would go to the houses to photograph them which ties in with my assignment, I too have M.E and cannot do that. The spoonie world have to team together. That’s what is highlighted here
Should I use their handwriting to be posted underneath the doors to reinforce the idea that this is a real person suffering? Or should I write by hand over the photos as I did in Assignment Three – Snippets.
Should the photos be of doors? Should the doors open – how would that happen? Should the words be behind the door. Two photos hmmm
Any thoughts or research suggestions would be very much appreciated.
I’m taking a break from my course as I’ve had a relapse with my health and need to rest as much as I can to recover from this and ensure I get back to normal as fast as possible. I also will probably need to change my assignment plan of the Fracking as I need something that doesn’t use all of my energy. I have a good idea of what I’ll use, showing the lives behind closed doors, maybe a photo of people’s front doors that they send me, and then I’ll write the stories behind it. Especially focused on invisible illnesses like Lyme, M.E and many more. People with invisible illnesses are treated exactly like that, invisible, by many people in the medical profession. And the stories they refuse to listen to go on behind closed doors.
See you all soon
Chloe
To help develop your personal voice as an independent practitioner, it is important to acknowledge your subjective attitude towards the subjects you’re researching and photographing. Right now you’re dealing with themes around landscape.
Write an entry in your learning log (around 300 words) reflecting on any current and previous circumstances and experiences that you think may influence, or may have influenced, your view of the landscape. Describe how you think these factors might inform your ideas about landscape photography or related themes.
From the moment I was born my parents said I was looking around with wide eyes filled with curiosity. I took pleasure in every little thing and my Mum said seeing the world through me was a joy. The moment I could walk my chubby legs would carry me on adventures exploring the world around me. When I could read I would learn everything I could about the world, nature and animals. Reinforced with living in Scotland and touring the whole country, exploring the Scottish islands my love of the world increased and with it the passion for nature. When I think of the landscape I think of the places I explored as a child and the stunning scapes of Scotland which have a special place in my heart. Also the animals and nature which are united with the landscape and in turn ourselves. We all share the landscape. Living through the foot and mouth disease at close proximity made me realise the vulnerability of the animals. I grew up the more I learnt about the dark side of nature, the savagery and life and death happening every day. The little rabbit I gaze dreamily at, will it feed a stoat or some ruthless creature tomorrow. The way the spider web glitters. What creatures will meet a nasty end in its glittering embrace?
I prefer not to think of the violent and traumatic world of nature, I know it’s there, I’ve seen it myself. But I prefer to see the good side of nature and allow that to fill all the spaces that would otherwise be the home of the dark. It seems only natural I should see the landscape in such a way. That said there must be a part of me that still sees the dark parts of nature for the darkness or sadness at the world in my assignments, perhaps that is the way I can project those feelings that I seek to hide. Though produced in an upbeat happy way Assignment Three highlights the sadness of humanity and how much we miss. Which takes me back to my natural trait, seeing the positive, the beauty of the world, appreciating everything. The landscape is almost dreamlike, I savour the good, the positive, the joy of creation and the magic and wonder in the little things. I hide the darkness because it has no place with me but it is channelled through into my assignments where it can be used to create awareness, to hopefully inspire others and in turn be used for good.
I’ve got my feedback for Assignment Three. I’m very pleased with the report though there are a few things my tutor mentioned that I felt I had done. My response is highlighted in a block quote.
Tutor Feedback
An ambitious submission that fulfilled your brief. Further research always benefits a submission. In this case it makes sense to hone down your submission to one, possibly two, ways of working. Great explorations though!
I presume by this, Les means the many ideas that come from my finished Assignment. As physically all that was involved was the photo of the seafront and the overlaid text. I always find it difficult to hone the resulting meanings down to one straight meaning but that is the beauty of art, so many responses are gleaned from one piece of work.
Assessment potential
I understand your aim is to go for the Photography/Creative Arts* Degree and that you plan to submit your work for assessment at the end of this course. From the work you have shown in this assignment, providing you commit yourself to the course, I believe you have the potential to pass at assessment. In order to meet all the assessment criteria, there are certain areas you will need to focus on, which I will outline in my feedback.
Feedback on assignment
Demonstration of technical and Visual Skills, Quality of Outcome, Demonstration of Creativity
Feedback notes from our phone conversation and some after thoughts:
Well done for challenging yourself and producing plenty of work.
Contextualisation is always key whilst studying – who is influencing you, whose is the work that aligns with yours, look for historical and contemporary references.
Aesthetic level, experiment much more, upper nad lower case, many different fonts, take lead from refs
Chloe – I did include with my assignment a few pages featuring over twenty different versions of font which I included as we had discussed it in an earlier Skype session. Including the foreign translations he had mentioned.
I’d noted that I liked the ‘type set’ look, which harked back to the original cut and paste styles of montage. The new handwritten notes work well too, signpost your references for choosing to work this way – Jim Goldberg?
I mentioned in my Assignment that I had come to this conclusion myself after deciding the type set was too mechanical. I wanted to bring my own energy into the work via the hand written personal text; I also referenced James Smolka – Falling Sickness. And discussed handwriting here
Perhaps look at Barthes’ critique of text alongside image.
The references we discussed – Kippin, Knorr, Burgin (check your spellings), Kruger, Doherty, Ken Lum – you have mainly looked at. Gillian Wearing takes you into Strand/Evans territory
Perec is a great reference. Great to see you emulate the methodology.
Mark Durden’s Photography Now is a very handy resource for answering, ‘who’s doing work around this…?’
On how to find other references: spin off from the first artist you find, look at who they’re curated with, who curated them, where they were shown, what else was shown there, geographically and historically who are they close to…
This is very helpful
As you’ve seen Sophie Calle’s explorations and psychogeography are both great resources for you to hook a project around, this ‘solid ground’ helps you branch out on your own.
Take care with using “My opinion” change to “my understanding” (“based upon…”)
Overall good writing again, make sure you signpost your understanding of the works you are discussing and how they influence your assignment
Very happy with this.
Coursework
Demonstration of technical and Visual Skills, Demonstration of Creativity
Lots of honest reflection, as you progress you will return to these. Your film was very poignant. I felt the footage of pyres from 2:50 onwards had more impact than the ‘stock’ flames.
Perhaps I will repost the video with the flames engulfing my face at first. I had imagined the little flame starting soft and rising up but perhaps the subtle approach isn’t required for a piece of such pain. I’m glad the video was well received. I will try and create some more personal projects in response to the course reading.
Research
Context, reflective thinking, critical thinking, analysis
Don’t be afraid to return to Bate, Bull, Wells (or Barrett, Clarke, Jeffrey, la Grange) to build on what the course points you to. Many of them would reference John Taylor, for example.
I have quite a big order coming from Amazon now
Learning Log
Context, reflective thinking, critical thinking, analysis
Your blog is well laid out and easy to read. You have signposted much of your process but you need to demonstrate the linkages to reading (as opposed to internet searching). Again, good reflection, you are still very critical of your work, or even ideas. Picking the camera up and ‘doing’ is one way to break through these blocks – we all have them, but they’re not negatives, they are what we wrestle with to move on.
This is great to read as I’d been trying to make my blog a lot more neater and easier to navigate. It is hard with such long posts but I’m glad it has worked. I like what Les wrote about these blocks not being negative but instead are a part of the process.
Suggested reading/viewing
Context
For assignment 4 – discuss how text/caption affects photographs, don’t be afraid to build from Bate/Bull/Wells.
For Assignment 5 – Kennard Phillips, Jo Spence, Loraine Leeson, Allan Sekula and Martha Rosler. From among your tutors – Garry Clarkson, and my recent http://www.relativepoverty.org
This is all great. I will start working on Assignment Four now and continue with side projects in the background.
Summary
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Very happy this. I do love researching but I need to increase the amount of reading research. I was given another armful of art magazines, The Review, from the nearby art gallery so will start contextualising from there. I’m not sure what Les means by highlighting the final pieces so shall ask him.
Chloe'sLenscape 